Goodbyes
by Estrella00
Summary: Jimmy couldn't feel them, but they were there, always there, and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get them to leave, and there was only one way to do that. Small goodbyes from Abby to the dead. a few inferences made. R&R!
1. Prologue

The digital clock blinked, the red numbers changing again, 2:35. I was awake again, pacing back and forth in the dimmed light from the lamp next to my bed. I stopped long enough to watch Jimmy snoring softly, his hair tousled. He couldn't feel them, but they filled the room. Their shadows wandered into one another, their murmurs an endless drone in my ear, and they all asked the same thing. The murmurs got louder, intensifying, their plea combined into one harmonic chord. It forced me down into the desk chair, and suddenly the words came.

_Author's Note: While this will be kept as true to the series as possible, slight inferences and changes are made. Nothing major, I swear to god. _


	2. To Kelly Seaver

To Kelly:

I offered you escape, but not soon enough. I knew you since we were little, and yet, never realized you suffered as I did. You always seemed repressed, but you had so much to live for. Maybe you didn't see it, but J.D. Dunn? He cared about you, ever since we were little. Do you remember the day we decided to go swimming, us locals and the summer kids? You were deadly scared of water, after you fell in the summer before and J.D. wasn't much of a swimmer, so while we went in, you two sat on the beach and talked. He gave you a ring too, I remember, from the dime store. We were all teenagers, fooling around and finding ourselves, but you kept it and his promises, close to your heart. You should have seen his face when the police crime-taped your house, a mixture of disbelief and hurt. I guess he thought you'd be around forever. But then again, so did I.

Goodbye Kelly.


	3. To Nikki Bolton

To Nikki:

I'm sorry I never let you come visit me or let you help me get over the pain I was feeling. But Nikki, no one had a better friend in his or her lives. You, the one who taught me the moves, kept my secrets, and helped me get Jimmy. For that I am always grateful. The FBI guy who investigated the Cannery said you were trying to protect Jimmy when you died. All I could say was, "That was Nikki Bolton." You always protected your friends. The Cannery may be boarded up and empty, but it's always alive in my heart.

Goodbye Nikki.


	4. To Shane Pierce

To Shane:

The tough guy, always the tough guy. I'm sorry I didn't bother to look past that mask. And yet, that mask was a part of you, it rounded out our circle of friends. You, the big, muscled boy who beat up on the summer kids who thought they were better than us, "And all because their daddies own a yacht." I remember you said. But there were times when I hated you just the same. The way you used to swagger when we were teens, Jimmy's pleading eyes were the only thing keeping me from putting you in your place. Or when you strung J.D. up, like some animal. Everyone else would've hated you, but then you had to go be all heroic and save them from Wakefield. When I saw you hung like a scarecrow, I thanked you for the sacrifice, for proving my prejudices wrong one last time. Jimmy's eyes get glassy when he looks at your picture.

Goodbye Shane.


	5. To JD Dunn

To J.D.:

I'm sorry I didn't save you. I didn't save you from depression, from the opinions of others, from death. I was thirty seconds too late, and I kick myself for it every day. Do you remember a time when we were all happy? You and Kelly, holding hands on the beach while the rest of us playfully teased from the water. She may not have realized you cared, but I did. It was clear, pure, and, you thought, totally wasted. But you came back to the island, to her. When you died, you probably thought no one cared, but you were wrong. Your parents cared, Kelly cared, and I cared.

Goodbye J.D.


	6. To Chloe Carter

To Chloe:

I'm sorry I didn't recognize true love when I saw it. When you and Cal first stepped onto that boat, when I saw your beauty and vivacity next to his comely awkward charm, I was sure. You were going to sleep with someone random party guest and ruin the best thing you ever had. But you didn't. You grew up, and you loved him back. I'm sure you didn't see me, but I watched you let go of the railing and choose Cal. It was beautiful. They called you husband and wife at your funeral, the way it should have been.

Goodbye Chloe.


	7. To Richard Allen

To Richard:

I'm sorry you never had a chance to reconcile, with Mr. Wellington, with Shea, with Madison, the list goes on. I'm not sure you realized what hurt, anger, and sorrow you caused and part of me wishes you would have survived just so you could have known what it was like to be the object of someone's malice, of peoples' suspicion. But maybe death by harpoon was better than facing Shea in divorce court, since she found out about your affair she's stood up for herself, done anything to keep her family safe. It's so easy to tell she and Trish are sisters. They both know what they want and are willing to go get it. Madison still has a picture of you three on her dresser.

Goodbye Richard.


	8. To Cal Vandeusen

To Cal:

I'm sorry I didn't think you had it in you. I took one look at you and Chloe on that boat and I thought, "Poor sap, he's in love with something he can't keep." I overlooked the fact that maybe she loved you back, that maybe she didn't return Sully's flirtations. Of everyone on the island, you were the most levelheaded. I mean, you were shot and yet still managed to save Chloe, to stand up to Wakefield. I've never seen anything like what happened on the bridge. You proved again and again how much you loved her; I just wish it hadn't cost you your life. They buried Chloe with her ring.

Goodbye Cal.


	9. To Malcolm Ross

To Malcolm:

I'm sorry you never lived to your full potential. You had so much life, so many friends, and yet, you always seemed so fidgety, like there was something you were unable to get off your mind. I know you had a lot of financial problems, you were set on getting that microbrew out to the public, but you really took blood soaked money? I never would have expected that from you. And what would Beth say? Yeah, I knew you two hit it off, but you were acting so guilty and preoccupied, god, you never even had the chance to ask her out. I think its only fair you know that Uncle Marty was going to invest in your microbrew. But don't worry; Shea Allen put aside some money to invest in it. Sacred Turtle is most popular along the West Coast.

Goodbye Malcolm.


	10. To Danny Brooks

To Danny:

I'm sorry you never had your chance to settle down. Of all the guys, you were the sensitive one, the one who cared about my feelings, about everyone's feelings. You were the one we could all go to, I'm pretty sure I even caught Sully sneaking some of your advice once. You'll be happy to know that Shea and Madison made it out unharmed, thanks in large part to you, in your last stand against Wakefield. You never deserved to die, but it was a last hurrah, and the Wellingtons treated you like a hero at the funeral. I'm just mad you died before I got to introduce you to my co-worker from L.A, who knows, she might have been "the one".

Goodbye Danny.


	11. To Christopher Sullivan

To Sully:

I'm sorry you never had a chance to show the world the man you became. When I stepped onto that boat and you gave me that hug, it was so nice to know at least one thing hadn't changed, and I clung to that. Ever since that summer you stayed with Henry on the island, you were never the wild card. You always wanted to have a bit of immature fun, and you know? Sometimes that's refreshing. Even though you took it to far, flirting with Chloe, taking blood soaked money. But then you grew up. You saved Madison and Shea Allen. They could never thank you enough, even at your funeral. I know what its like to be betrayed by someone you loved, he was your brother, your best friend. But I want you to know, there's one person who will never betray you, me.

Goodbye Sully.


	12. To Sarah Mills

To Mom:

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to let go. You were always the one to encourage me to go on. Remember in fifth grade, when Speedy our mouse died? I was inconsolable, but you just gave me a hug and said, 'Abby, things happen, but its how we deal with them that matters.' You told me Speedy wanted me to be happy, and after a while, I believed you. Mom, when you died, I couldn't let go, there was no one there to tell me _you_ wanted me to be happy, or maybe there was, and I just couldn't hear them. The worst part is what it took to make me realize I was never over what happened to you. Dad loved you until his last breathe.

Goodbye Mom.


	13. To Charlie Mills

To Dad:

I'm sorry that I never really made peace with you. When I came back to the island, I didn't want to think that part of me actually wanted to see you again, but now, I'm sure I did. I left the island angry, sure you didn't care, that you didn't love me, I had no idea how wrong I was. I'd give anything to take back what I said about you, what I thought. I wish we could go back to before, back when you took me fishing and chased the ghosts out of my closet. But that's gone, and all I can do is remember you did love me, it was the last thing you ever said, and it was taken to heart. They let me keep your badge.

Goodbye Dad.


	14. To Patricia Wellington

To Trish:

I'm sorry you never got the happily ever after you deserved. And believe me, you deserved one. I was always afraid you'd disapprove of me hanging out with your fiancée, but you just smiled and included me in everything you did, from parties to your wedding. Even when everyone else vilified me, you said no and stood up for me. I appreciated that more than you will ever know. The worst part is to look at your picture, the one of you and Henry at the beach, and know how much you loved him and trusted him. He had you in the palm of his hand, his tiny doll, someone who would never betray or suspect him. Your nicest qualities were your undoing. If only you had married Sully.

Goodbye Trish.


	15. Remaining Shadows

I threw the pen down, my hand cramping. There was more room to breathe now; each shadow had slowly faded as I wrote my words. Only two more remained. They were persistent though, aggressive and restless, running into each other, coming closer to me than the others had. They were trying to intimidate me, but I wouldn't let them. They were the only things keeping me from peace. I put pen to paper, and wrote.


	16. To John Wakefield

To Wakefield:

I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to kill you myself. In another world, I could have felt sorry for you. The poor man whose girlfriend left him, the girlfriend he loved with all his heart. But that's in another world. In this world I hate you. It feels good to say that, its something I don't say often. If you were still here I'd scream it at you a million times over. The people you killed, they were mothers, brothers, uncles, friends, irreplaceable loved ones. Thanks to you, Danny will never find "Ms. Right", Richard will never give his daughter away, Chloe will never say 'I do.', and my father will never see his grandchildren. Mom always said the hardest thing to do was to forgive. I never knew how right she was.

Goodbye Wakefield.


	17. To Henry Dunn

To Henry:

I hat—I lov—How could you? They were your friends, future in-laws, the faces of your childhood. At least Wakefield had some kind of excuse, he didn't know them, you did. How did it feel to see my father—the man who glorified you above all others—hanging from his neck, or watching the lights leaving Trish's eyes? You were sick. To be able to do that. And the worst part is that we trusted you, every single one of us. No one thinks it's the debonair bridegroom, the loyal best friend, the successful soon to be brother-in-law. I wish we could have known, and I kick myself everyday for not realizing sooner. But I am done feeling guilty, Henry Dunn. You have no more power over me. This is _my_ life.

Goodbye Henry.


	18. Deep Breath

I pushed my chair back, inhaling deeply. They were gone. It was all over, for real. The sun was beginning to rise as I pulled my jacket on, ready to savor my first walk as a free woman. Jimmy stirred as I unlocked the door, but there was no need to worry. I'd be there when he woke up in the morning.


End file.
